Title: Fair Trade
Characters: Tenth Doctor/Donna
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Rating/Warnings: R for sex and angst.
Status: Complete 4/4
Summary: The Doctor kisses Donna one day after supper. Donna acquiesces.
Author's note: And I'm so sorry for being so disappointing but there's actually no sex. No happy ending, "magic-dick-heals-all". I've rewritten the ending about 5000 times in my mind and I simply cannot get it to end in sex without cheapening the rest of the story and the message I'm trying to get across (however clumsily.)
But this is for dtstrainers anyway, because that woman is somebody special and someone I wish I could know better.
"Donna, I don't want to forget about it."
She just blinks at him.
There’s silence for a while longer.
“Why?” she finally asks, a cautious note in her voice, as if she is bracing herself for his answer.
“Not for the reason you think,” he hurries to assure her and then falters slightly. “I mean, I…” He licks his lips. “I liked it very much” and he can feel himself blushing and Donna looks down.
“But it’s more than that. Donna Noble, you’re my best friend. I want to know you and I want to make you happy, the way you make me happy. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because I seem to be doing it all wrong and I would never ever have done it if I had known you didn’t like it. It was an impulse, I… just wanted to kiss you.”
Donna looks up from the floor and studies him intently.
“You kiss all your companions then?”
“Well… No. I mean it has happened…Once - maybe a little more often than that. But that’s not the point.” He flounders to restore the thread of the conversation.
“ I wanted to kiss you because you’re lovely. And if you should ever want more, I guess… I mean, I wouldn’t say no but Donna, I want you as my friend more than any of that. I want you to want to be around me, and…” The Doctor swallows. “Not because of obligation or as payment.”
“So you’re not actually interested in me?” Donna looks hurt as she questions him.
“Yes!...- … No! I’m… I can’t explain it properly. I want you in my life, in whatever capacity you want me in it, and if not, then I’ll go. Or you can go, I can take you home. I… just don’t want you to feel you have to do anything. Your company is more than payment enough for anything I could give you. You told me once I needed someone. It’s true. I need someone and I want you.”
Donna’s face is pensive.
“What if I never want to sleep with you?”
“Then we’ll not sleep together. Easy peasy.”
“What if I do?” she says apprehensively.
“Then we’ll try it. Again, I mean.”
Donna takes a deep breath.
“The truth is, Doctor… I don’t know what I want. It’s all jumbled up in my mind, all these expectations and dreams and… things… I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know if I ever will. And… You can’t make me better, magically. There’s no friendly red button to reset my mind. God, I wish there was..“
“Donna.” The Doctor slowly moves closer to her, and very slowly cups her cheek in his right hand.
“Do you want to stay? Here? With me?”
Donna closes her eyes and a tear drips down her cheek.
“More than anything.”
“Then you’re welcome. You are always welcome.”
Donna raises one of her hands and cups the Doctor’s cheek, her thumb stroking his cheekbone for a brief second.
“Forever?” She asks in a tremulous voice.
“Forever,” he confirms.